Displaced anger or Bitter feelings

People who tend to suffer from melancholy experiences often need to learn that the most essential rule of thumb is to just learn from it then let it go...Where I really would like to touch on this subject deals with past intimate relationships. Because I feel like everyone can relate right here.

I knew a girl, a libra, who was very charming, tactful and had calm, cool diplomacy skills. Not to mention how absolutely beautiful she was. She was so bright...I couldn't understand why she let school stress her out as much as it did...She had the work ethic and motivation to get tasks done apropos. Not only was I attracted to her but I felt that there could be a resilient relationship between the two of us. I engaged her as 4 other males were trying valiantly to figure out her diverse background. I joined in just to make myself noticeable. But I soon found myself wanting a more personal approach. I started stopping by and asking how her day had developed and if things were bothering her and trying to inquire small details about how she did things and what she liked. At first, the situation seemed to be traveling in an appropriate direction. However I still felt like she was not comfortable enough with me to want to get that close. I did not rush, I continued to just be a friend, or someone that honestly wanted to show genuine interest in another. I came with gifts on her birthday, I missed Christmas because we were away from eachother and school, I got her on Valentines day, and I even brought gifts just because. We didn't become intimate until mid March and we met September...That was fine with me. But her biggest dilemma was that she did not look at me on the same level as her. She tried to compare our lives thus elevating herself and looking down on me as if I couldn't live up to her standards. This bothered me so much because though we looked at life differently and were both very passionate about our views, that similarity ultimately divided us. Our differences on a broader scale tore us apart. There was no need to get specific. I figured we were supposed to be on the same team. She thought with her head always. She used mental exploration to gather insight and details about life. My experiences were more tactile, more kinesthetic(body language). Conflict arose because at times I could be emotionally unstable and have mood swings, but that was my nature. I am emotionally driven. And she was very provocative. She likes things balanced but always seemed to shift the negative energy my way. I have absolutely no problem empathizing or sympathizing with people. I will offer support and even lend a shoulder to cry on if need be. However I cannot change who I am when I myself have wounds that need tending to...Though I may tend to keep things to myself I am most gracious when I am able to receive that same empathy and sympathy I so genuinely gave in return. I am able to express my emotions very well whether it be on paper or by word of mouth. The relationship reached a point of unbalance. I felt that we were becoming selfish towards each other. I say "we both" because I do not feel inclined or absolute about blaming this whole misunderstanding on that one person. Nevertheless I do feel that I was a bit more open in resolving the situation than she. Once mistakes were made and poor evaluations were realized she turned herself off emotionally when I was still functioning. I was trying to alleviate the problem while she was trying to neglect it, and because we had established an emotional and intimate atmosphere, her neglect of the problem not only bothered me but her as well ultimately because of the attachment to eachother that surfaced over time. And this was why I was so adament about either formulating a solution or letting it go and realizing that we are going to think differently so we should except each others opinion and move on. My intent was not to antagonize, but to pacify and compromise. Now look at us. From what I know and have heard, I'd feel accurate in saying that she does not care about where we stand now and how I am doing. I'm not saying that she wishes me ill, but I don't think(key word think...because I don't know for sure) she has given this as much thought as I have.Finally, that above all is what saddens me about our whole time. With all that happened, and how close we really became, to just throw away a valuable connection for such foolish and immature reasons hurts my feelings. And I think this because I haven't heard from her and I've even tried to approach her as just a friend. You know live and let go. Learn and reconstruct my whole opinion with better details, fluidity, validity, and most importantly have an open heart and mind about new points of interest that promote flucuations in emotion and stimulate thought. I learned my lesson, I just don't feel like she has learned hers.

So the point of this story extends all the way back to the first paragraph. Learn from melancholy experiences and let them go. I'm not saying it will be easy or it will take no time to erase the ill effects. All I am saying is that if you let things like that get you down it affects who you are and how you act and react around others. Thus creating a false image of who you really are. When you become bitter an invisible wall is formed almost immediately, and when this occurs potentially influential and positive people are able to pick up this negative vibe and disassociate themselves from you. Thus making it appear to you that all you meet are people with bad intentions. The negative vibe you create attracts negative people. They are able to sense it, and sense they have bad intentions they always seem to have the right things to say which often leads to manipulation. This may happen often, or maybe it happened once and hit home so hard that it changed your entire view of that particular subject. So when you meet someone that is genuine you reject them because you are walking around with a barrier that doesn't let you free to roam and socialize. You become reserved and alone...Nobody truly wants that.

Its like a battery. There is a positive end and a negative end...what exactly is all the stuff in the middle? Whatever it is it must be important because without it the battery wouldn't be. The middle stuff is the connection between the positive and the negative. That is why they are able to coexist. Because on a level unexplainable they realized that in order for things to work and balance out they would have to work together. Now apply that to people. If all the negative people stayed in one area and all the positve stayed in another friction is created because we concoct ideas about the other that seem unreasonable to each groups normal standards. If we blend together a connection is established and understanding is easily reached. Thus establishing a harmonious and working semblance.

I hope whoever reads this takes it to face value. Its such a common occurence that it tends to be over looked at times. I shared a deep moment in my life to show an example of a flaw I see in others, as well as myself. When you look at the big picture you will see that we are all in it together.

KO